Bulan Posa... Setan Kene Ikat!

I think this is cute... got it from a friend via email.

Penyimpan Mohor2 Besar...Yang Besar2 Kepala dgn ini mengisyhtiharkan bahawa PUBLIC HOLIDAYS untuk semua ...
untuk Sebulan (No Overtime!! and No Replacement!!! ). Maka Dgn ini ingin diberikan sedikit Pesanan kepada MANUSIA :


- Kalau tgh beratur panjang di Kedai Mamak di waktu puncak -Bukan yang suruh!!
-Kalau ada Runner yg tolong beli Bekalan - Dia takde kena mengena dgn !!!
- Kalau tak reti2 nak buat amal ibadat - Bukan yang dok bagi korang MALAS tau!!
- Kalau dok pakai terdedah sana-sini - Bukan yang suruh dan bukan yang suruh tengok..!!
- Kalau dok pi berkepit sana-sini dgn awek/balak siang malam - Bukan yang bagi line!!
- Kalau suka Boros sangat shopping Raya - Bukan yang suruh!!
- Kalau tak habis2 mengata orang - Bukan yang bagi idea!!
- Kalau tak habis2 suka berdengki kat orang - Memang bukan yang dok cucuk!!



Maka MANUSIA, ambillah peluang ini untuk UPGRADE kan Diri anda, KENALI lah Diri Anda, BERBUAT BAIK lah dan SUCI kanlah Diri Anda.
Kumpulkanlah Pahala sebanyak mungkin..........Renungkanlah..Adakah masa ini yang paling sesuai untuk BERUBAH atau Anda masih Menunggu!!!!...Tunggu Sapa lagi....

Jangan lupa Bayar Zakat Fitrah tau!!!.....Ada juga yg suka merungut Zakat mahal .....Ini pun takdak kena mengena dgn tau!!..

Tolonglah Manusia ooiii.......Kalau Semua dah Beriman dan ikut Jalan yang Benar...kami punya kerja pun kurangla sikit....Kamipun dah letih Overtime....



Akhir kata - SELAMAT BERPUASA Dan BERIBADAT ......................... We Will be Back to Office after Ramadhan ....he..he

Selamat berpuasa dan maaf zahir batin.

Tunjuk Skill

Skill tu skill la jugak tapi sungguh menyakitkan hati... awek beli eskrim tu boleh gelak pulak... kalau la Kal El. dah baling eskrim tu kat muka dia... makanan orang buat main-main plak pastu abes dua2 tangan dia pegang biskut eskrim tu ekekekekek... emosi kejap!

Iklan FAB 1979

Perggghhh lama gila dah iklan neh... Kal El baru umo 4 tahun hehehe... Allahyarhamah Yusni Jaafar pun masih muda... come to think of it, orang-orang zaman dulu-dulu ni kreatif la jugak ya... takda teknologi canggih nak buat benda-benda macam zaman sekarang ni, guna mulut je iklan dah jadik menarik...

Funeral

A very good friend of mine, Soraya a.k.a Yaya posted this video link on her Facebook early this morning - damn, she made me all teary eyed pepagi kat opes ni, nasib baik Kal El tengah makan nasi lemak pedas, bleh ler cover-cover with the sok sek sok sek menahan sedeh...

This video I dedicate to KN whom I love so much - it's the little things that you do for me that would remind me of you and your love till the end.



Source: www.youtube.com

"Funeral" is a new TV commerical launched by the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) which looks at relationships in a different light, through a woman at her husband's funeral. Ultimately, the TVC celebrates the beautiful imperfections that make a relationship perfect. ...

Don't Play Play with my Liver...Safewalk...

Dah banyak kali Kal El terima email berikut tapi kali ni nak share dengan semua. I'm sure you've read this somewhere, sometime ago tapi dalam gelak-gelak inilah hakikatnya pelajar kita walaupun di Uni. Kal El sempat mengajar bebudak Diploma dan Degree matapelajaran Bahasa Inggeris di sebuah Universiti di Serdang dan Pusat Pengajian Swasta di Jalan Raja Laut secara part time satu ketika dulu dan beginilah rupanya contoh karangan yang mereka berikan. Bukan semuanya begini tapi sebilangannya. Amat menyedihkan apabila mengenangkan mereka ini anak bangsa Kal El sendiri (bukan, dorang bukan berdarah Krypton). Apa yang berlaku? They were really hard working. Kenapa? Buat keje dua kali! First writing the essay in Malay then tranlating it word by word using Kamus Melayu-English. Kasihan but memang terjadi, bukan sekali tapi banyak kali, not by the same student but many. Tiap-tiap semester pasti Kal El terima essay macam ni. Fikirkanlah...

Tijah memutuskan perhubungan dengan boyfriend MAT SALLEH nya....Dia tak sanggup bertemu muka, Lalu dia pun mengutus surat...Suratnye berbunyi begini...

Hi,

my motive write this letter is to give know you something. I WANT TO CUT CONNECTION WITH US. I have think about this very cook cook. I know i clap one hand only. Correctly, i have seen you and she together at town with eyes myself. You always ask for apology back back. I don't trust you again!!!

You are really crocodile land.

My friend speak you play wood three. Now I know you correct correct play wood three. So, I break connection to pull my body from this love triangle. I know this result I pick is very correct, because you love she very high from me.

So, I break off to go far from here. I don't want you to play play with my liver. I have been crying until no more eye water thinking about you.

I don't want banana to fruit two times ....

Safewalk .....Tijah

BEST Environmental Conservation Effort Goes to...

Reuse, Recycle
p/s shown above is a sample using JUSCO Plastic bags

Nature's Miracle Enzyme

The Star Online

By WINNIE YEOH

CHIN Choon Sin, 70, who had severediabetic sore feet, is thankful someone introduced him to eco-enzyme, which is also known as garbage enzyme."I was so helpless at that time as my feet has become dark with infections. Even the doctor had given up but I knew I had to try something to save my feet," he said.

Chin is able to walk today as his wounds have dried up and the energetic elder was seen promoting the use of eco-enzyme during a talk held in conjunction with the Drainage Cleanliness Campaign held at the Dewan Rakyat Pasar Pagi, Tanjung Bungah, Penang yesterday.

The campaign was organised by the Penang Sudarshan Kriya Organisation and Tanjung Bungah assemblyman Teh Yee Cheu.

"I was like them, very doubtful at first and wondered how could some stinky muddy water save me but after three weeks of dipping my feet in it, my wounds started to heal!" he exclaimed excitedly.

Chief Minister Lim Guan Eng, who attended the campaign, said he first heard of the use of enzyme during the state assembly when Teh talked about recycling and promoting a green environment in the

state. "I didn't really know what it was but I'm very interested with it. Now that I have a better idea of it and I hope more people will become aware of its benefit and start making it on their own at home," he said.

He also said the state government in its first
budget would implement several environmental measures to transform Penang into a green state.Lim has also given the organisation permission to enter Pulau Burung to carry out cleanliness activity by pouring the eco-enzyme into rivers there.

Eco-enzyme is made from the fermentation for three weeks of leftover vegetables and fruit wastes. One has to mix one part of brown sugar with 10 parts of water, depending on the size of container used. It can be added into shampoo, dish wash, laundry detergent as well as mixed with water for gardening and farming.

Eco-enzyme advocate Dr Joean Oon said: "The enzyme will neutralise the chemicals in our drainage systems and save the environment. "We can reduce kitchen waste and that means less waste will be sent to the landfill." Lim later poured bottles of eco-enzyme into the drains at the market and distributed some bottles to hawkers there.

Those who attended the event were each presented with a bottle, a free container and brown sugar. They were also taught how to create their own eco-enzyme at home.

For details, contact 04-8901279.

Photos (c) The Star

**********

Anyoen knows anything about this enzyme before I give them a ring to find out?

Cat and Dog - Extremely Cute!

When NOT to Clean your Glasses

Especially for those wearing glasses.

Funny Bowl

Be careful... jangan view kat opes nanti tergelak sorang-sorang tak jamin haaa...

Friday vs Monday

How very TRUE!

Siput Dengki

What would you do if you meet this siput@snail?

Have u Seen Women at the Urinals Lately?

Can you imagine seeing a lady nope, a woman, nope a member of the female species peeing while standing up? Imagine no longer. Now they can be like us MEN peeing while standing up. Thanks to the revolutionary peeing-kit introduced by the P-Company, now you will be able to see a sexy a lady, nope, a woman, nope a member of the female species standing beside you at the urinal in the men's room - of course they will still use the ladies but in cases of emergency where they may not be able to wait in a long queue like they always have to (ahahaha macam tau-tau je...) they can rush over to the gents and do Number 1 standing up! What's worse, they can do it beside you! Aiyooo cannot imagine lah! Takoooottttt!

Ladies, no offense, okay, I am neither discriminating nor am I being a chauvinist here but just sharing new technology. Use P-Mate!

Disclaimer: Ini bukan iklan makhluk perosak dan bukan juga iklan yang berbayar...

Kisah SamDol

*****

SAM: Kenapa kamu cakap minum susu segar boleh bawa maut?
DOL: Sebab semalam semasa aku tengah minum,lembu tu terajang aku. Nasib baik tak mati.

*****

SAM: Apasal ko marah kat tokey kedai 2 Ringgit tu?
DOL: Sebab dia tipu. Aku beli 3 barang dia mintak 6 ringgit. Kata kedai 2 ringgit

*****

SAM: Kau kata binatang peliharaan kau mati lemas? Mana kau tau dia mati lemas?
DOL: Sebab aku bela ikan emas. aku jumpa ia mati dalam air!

*****

SAM: Semalam aku nampak hantu!
DOL: Uih! Kau terkejut tak?
SAM: Taklah... hantu tu yang terkejut tengok aku.
DOL: Mana kau tahu?
SAM: Aku tengok muka dia pucat semacam jer...

*****

SAM: Apasal kopi yang kau buat ni rasa masin?
DOL: Gula dah habis!
SAM: Yang kau pergi campur garam apasal?
DOL: Kan aku kata, sebab gula dah habislah

*****

SAM: Aku tengok kau beberapa hari ini "candle light dinner" dengan bini kau, mesti dia suka.

DOL: Dia marahlah. Aku lupa nak bayar bil elektrik, api rumah aku dah kena potong!

*****

SAM: Aku ada AIDS? mana ada...
DOL: Aku baca 1 dari 10 orang kat Negara ni ada aids. Aku dah tanya 9 orang, semua tak ada AIDS, kau orang ke 10, tak payah tanya, aku dah tahu...

*****

SAM: Dol, aku dengar bunyi batuk kau makin teruk!
DOL: Iya ke? kalau macam ni aku kena banyak berlatih agar dapat batuk dengan lebih baik lagi.

*****

SAM: Dah dua kali perompak yang sama datang merompak kedai kita.
DOL: Tu lah aku dah cakap kat kau, jangan pasang signboard "SILA DATANG LAGI"

Al-kisah 3 Pontianak Beradu Kehebatan...

Pontianak (c) Attivissmo.Net

Pada suatu malam 3 ekor pontianak sedang bertenggek di atas pokok sambil bergaduh tentang kehebatan masing-masing. Ketiga-tiga mengaku diri mereka hebat. Untuk menentukan siapa paling hebat, mereka pun Cuba membuktikan kehebatan masing-masing. Pontianak A terbang dengan sepantas kilat. 15 saat kemudian balik semula ke pokok tersebut. Kelihatan Ada kesan-kesan darah di sekitar gigi Pontianak A.

Pontianak A : Kau orang nampak rumah TU?
Pontianak B : Nampak!
Pontianak C : Nampak!
Pontianak A : Satu rumah TU habis aku kerjakan.

Pontianak B pula terbang lebih pantas dari Pontianak A. 10 saat kemudian balik semula ke pokok tersebeut. Kelihatan Ada darah bukan setakat pada gigi, malah pada keseluruhan mulut pontianak tersebut.

Pontianak B : Kau orang nampak kampung TU?
Pontianak A : Nampak!
Pontianak C : Nampak!
Pontianak B : Habis satu kampung TU aku kerjakan.

Sejurus lepas itu Pontianak C pula terbang lebih pantas dari Pontianak A Dan B. Dalam masa 5 saat je dia kembali ke pokok tersebut. Kelihatan darah mengalir-ngalir bukan sahaja pada mulut, malah pada keseluruhan muka pontianak tersebut.

Pontianak C : Kau orang nampak tembok kat hujung sana TU?
Pontianak A : Nampak!
Pontianak B : Nampak!
Pontianak C : Err... Tadi aku tak nampak...

Huhuhu...haru...

The Job Appplication

I've read this in email many times before and received it again today yet I could still laugh like crazy. Enjoy, real funny.

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

Would you hire him?

Hilarious! The Penis Song

Same songs, different approaches.Enjoy!

The Raffles Place Ghost

Just for a little scare. Enjoy!
More sightings here

What Have I Done to My Life?

Got this from my sis in law via email... Hmmm it got me thinking how much time I have wasted in my life working aimlessly and for those who don't appreciate my sacrifices... tau-tau ujung bulan dapat gaji (I am so item number 6 and 7) with no bonus and no increment (hehehe, really! sometimes I think keje kerajaan lagi bagus... can rilek-rilek, curik tulang and sometimes jadik corrupt.. opps!)

10 reasons why you should leave office by 6.00 pm, for some of us 5.30pm.

Click on the image to enlarge...

I know someone who is item number 8 - and he got the Employee of the Year award some more tau! (not me, of course)

OMG! Err...err....Yucks!

For those who do not understand Malay, the narrator among others said

"Every morning this guy eats 'fresh' cow dunk as he believes it contains nutrients as cows only eat grass..."

Gross man, but it makes sense kan? Cows only eat grass while chicken and fish eat God knows what... but eating it's dunk? Huhuhu perhaps tastes like 'Dunk'in Donuts? Wanna try?